Coping with Grief

There’s no one “right” way to grieve.

Just as everyone experiences grief differently, everyone will have different ways of coping with it. There is no single timeline or “right” way to grieve. What brings comfort for one person may not help another. Coping with grief is about finding what makes you feel supported as you adjust to life after loss.

This resource is here to offer healthy ways to cope with grief and support others along the way.


What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to recover, adapt, and grow when faced with stress, change, or loss. Resilience is something anyone can learn and practice. It’s not something you’re just born with. It grows when we get support, take care of ourselves, and keep trying, even when things are hard. Avoiding our feelings isn’t the same as being strong.

You can feel deeply hurt and still be resilient. We become more resilient when we cope in healthy ways.


What Science Tells us About Healthy Coping

Scientists are still learning exactly how the brain changes during grief, but research shows it affects two main systems in our brains. Learning how the brain processes grief helps us understand ourselves and gives us tools to cope with loss in healthy ways.

The Habit and Routine System

The first system helps us follow habits and daily routines. It keeps track of the things we do automatically, like reaching out to someone we care about or sharing special moments with them. During grief, this system still tries to follow those same routines, even though the person is gone. That can make us feel sad or confused when we realize we can’t do them anymore. This part of the brain wants us to keep the connection and hold on to what feels familiar and safe.

The Memory and Decision System

The second system helps us think, plan, and remember. It allows us to solve problems, make choices, and store memories of the people we love. During grief, this system works hard to understand what has happened and to make sense of the loss. It helps us remember our loved one and plan new routines as life changes. This part of the brain wants us to accept what has happened and begin adjusting to a new reality while still carrying love forward.

Research says that when we care for both of these systems in our brains healing becomes easier.

When we practice healthy coping, we help our brain work together again by forming new connections.
This means doing activities that keep us rooted, supporting the habit and routine system of the brain, like soothing ourselves, honoring traditions, and creating space for reflection. It also means doing activities that help us grow, supporting the memory and decision-making parts of the brain, like making new choices, sharing our stories and memories, and taking each day as it comes.

Coping to Keep Us Rooted

  • Keep parts of the traditions you had with your loved one even if they have to change. This can mean eating their favorite meal once in a while, visiting a place you used to go together, or writing down things you want to tell them. Honoring familiar traditions helps your brain stay connected to them.

  • Sometimes our feelings are so big that it’s hard to talk about them. When words don’t come easily, keeping simple daily habits can help your brain and body feel safe again. This might mean having your morning coffee, doing light exercise, or cooking a meal. Repetitive and soothing actions like taking the same walk each day, folding laundry, or taking a warm shower can help calm your body and make it easier to find words for how you feel.

  • Find a time and place where all you have to do is reflect, think, remember, and feel close. This might mean placing their picture in a cozy spot in your home, doing something you used to do together while thinking about them, or finding another way to reflect that feels right for you. If sitting alone feels too hard, it’s okay to go to counseling or reach out for support.

Coping to Help Us Grow

  • After a loss, you may have to make big and difficult decisions about things like finances, housing, or family responsibilities.
    These choices can feel overwhelming but taking them one step at a time and getting enough rest can help you feel more in control. You may not be able to control everything about the big decisions, but you can make smaller choices that make the day a little easier, like asking for help with errands or taking a walk when things feel heavy.

  • Talking about your loved one keeps their memory alive and allows you to share their story. Don’t hesitate to speak their name or share your memories when you want to just because they’re gone. Their story and your connections to them will always matter. Sharing and retelling these moments can help your brain make sense of the loss in healthy ways.

  • Grief can often feel heavy and endless. Some days, you may not be able to plan ahead, and that’s okay. Try to take things one small moment at a time. You just need to take this one breath, make this one choice, or do this one thing right now. When it feels too much to carry alone, lean on your community. We deserve support especially when we don’t know what to do next. Let others show up for you in ways that are comfortable for you whether that’s through presence, prayer, food, listening, or helping with tasks. We heal little by little and together we can make it through.