Understanding Grief
Grief is a normal reaction to loss that can affect our emotions, thoughts, relationships, and health. It’s a unique process for everyone and can happen after any type of loss. One of the most common times we experience grief is after the death of someone we love.
The Science of Grief
When we become close to someone, they don’t just change the ways we feel. They change our brains. Every time we spend time together with someone, our brains build physical connections that help us love and care for that person. When we lose them, those pathways don’t go away. Our brain still has the connections for growing our relationship with them even though they aren’t with us in the same way anymore.
Grief is how our brain tries to cope with the difference between how it’s wired to include someone we love and the reality of not being able to be with them anymore. To move forward, our brain has to slowly update those connections. Through grief, we learn to carry both our love and the changes that come with loss.
What are some common experiences of grief?
Grief effects every part of us. Our emotions, our thoughts, our bodies, and daily lives can all be touched by grief. Everyone experiences grief differently, but many people share similar experiences and changes after loss.
Emotional Reactions with Grief
Many people compare the emotions that come with grief to a roller coaster. Some days you might feel okay, but the next day you might really struggle again. It’s normal to feel many different emotions when grieving.
Common emotional reactions that can be part of grief can include anger, sadness, confusion, guilt, shock, disbelief, numbness, fear, anxiety, emptiness, and yearning to be with them
Even though grief might seem never ending, eventually the ride becomes smoother over time.
Physical Changes with Grief
Grief doesn’t just affect the brain, it also affects our bodies. Emotions like sadness, fear, or anger can show up as tight muscles, a heavy chest, tiredness, or other body sensations.
You might notice difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, crying more easily, feeling very tired, body aches, or a tightness in your chest or throat. These physical feelings are a natural part of grief, even though they can be uncomfortable.
Your body is doing its best to protect you while you move through deep pain. With time, rest, and support, these sensations can begin to ease
Changes in Thoughts with Grief
Grief can also affect how we think and process the world around us. When you’re grieving, your mind may feel foggy or scattered as it tries to make sense of what happened.
You might notice difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, trouble making simple decisions, or feeling like time is moving faster or slower than usual. It can be confusing or frustrating, but these changes are common.
Your brain is working hard to adjust to a new reality while also carrying big emotions. Give yourself permission to slow down, take breaks, and ask for help when things feel overwhelming
Myths about grief can make healing harder.
Myth 1:
Grief is just sadness.
The Truth:
While we often think of sadness when we think of grief, it can bring a wide range of feelings. Most people experience sadness when grieving, but numbness, anger, confusion, and guilt are common too.
Myth 2:
I need to stay strong for others.
The Truth:
We heal through grief by moving with our emotions, not by holding them in. Trying to “stay strong” can sometimes mean denying ourselves the space to grieve. Giving yourself permission to show your grief, whether that means crying, talking through it, resting, or asking for help, doesn’t mean you’re weak.
Myth 3:
Grief shouldn’t affect my faith or make me question my beliefs.
The Truth:
Grief can challenge our faith and raise deep spiritual questions. It’s natural to wonder why God allows painful things to happen or to struggle to find meaning after loss. Questioning our beliefs during grief doesn’t mean your faith is weak. It’s part of how faith grows and helps us through life’s hardest moments.
Myth 4:
There are five clear stages of grief.
The Truth:
In 1969, a well-known theory about grief was developed. This theory states that everyone goes through five stages of grief. This idea helped people talk about grief in new ways, but we now know grief is more complicated. There aren’t clear stages that everyone goes through.
Myth 5:
Grief will always heal with time.
The Truth:
Grief is often a lifelong process. Our feelings may change over time, but missing someone we love never fully goes away. Even though grief can hurt for a long time, it can also inspire us to remember and honor our loved ones by keeping their memory alive.
Myth 6:
Children should be shielded from grief.
The Truth:
Children feel grief just like adults do. Research shows that even babies can sense and react to loss. When adults share their feelings and show healthy ways to cope, children learn that it’s okay to feel sad and to talk about their emotions. Seeing others grieve helps them build healthy coping skills of their own.
Myth 7:
Grief only affects how we feel.
Children should be shielded from grief.
The Truth:
Grief affects both the mind and body. It can change our eating, sleep, and self-care habits, and even impact our heart and immune system. Taking care of our bodies is an important part of healing.
The Truth:
We don’t only experience grief when we lose someone close. We can also grieve people we didn’t know very well, or at all, but who share something important with us, like our community, background, or experiences. We might also grieve the loss of safety when violence affects our community.